It happens every time. Someone leaves, someone new walks in.
In the corporate world, we pretend like change is normal, like it’s just another day in the office, but deep down, everyone feels it. Especially when it’s a manager.
The moment word gets out: “Koranggggg, our boss is leaving!” We all pause for a bit. Some feel sad, some feel relieved, some just “Whatever lah. Work goes on.” But then the same question starts creeping in: “Who’s replacing them? What’s he or she like? Are they better? Worse? Will they mess things up or make things better?”
And when the new manager finally arrives, we can’t help it… we immediately start comparing.
Why do we do this? I’ve done it too. Sat in meetings thinking, “Hmm, the old boss didn’t do it like this.” Or when a new process comes in, muttering to myself, “But we used to…”
It’s not always mean-spirited. Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes it’s just a thought in the back of your mind. But it’s there. We hold up the new person against the old one like it’s some sort of scoreboard.
Why? I think it’s because we’re used to what we know. The previous manager, good or bad, was familiar territory. We knew how to read their tone, what they liked, what ticked them off, how far we could push. With the new one? No clue. And we = humans, don’t like “no clue.” So we start pulling from what’s familiar… the old boss! Because it makes us feel like we’re in control.
Do we expect them to be the same?
Honestly, yes. Even when we say we don’t, we secretly do. Kan??? We want the new boss to have the good traits of the old one and magically fix all the bad ones. We want them to be approachable like her but decisive like him, funny like him but strategic like her.
Basically, we want an upgraded version of what we lost, and we don’t even realise we’re doing it.
But is that fair? Obviously, NO! Because no two leaders are the same, and they shouldn’t have to be. Yet somehow, we expect them to replicate the way things used to feel: same tone, same pace, same way of “being a boss.”
This is a problem. Why? Because it shuts us off. We stop giving them space to show who they are because we’re too busy thinking, “This isn’t how it used to be.” And honestly? That’s frustrating… not just for them, but for us too. It traps us in the past when we should be looking forward.
I remember once, a manager I really liked left. We clicked, we understood each other. Then the replacement came in, and it was just… different. Not bad, just different. But instead of leaning in and learning their style, I resisted it. I compared every move, every decision, every tone of voice, and all it did was make me bitter and disengaged.
Will we ever stop comparing?
I don’t know. Maybe not entirely. Isn’t it in our nature to compare? It’s how we make sense of change. But maybe we can notice when we’re doing it and ask ourselves: Am I being fair? Am I letting this person show what they’re capable of, or am I just clinging to what I was comfortable with?
Because every time we say, “Oh, but the old boss…” we’re actually making it harder! Not just for them, but for ourselves, too! We rob ourselves of the chance to experience something new… something that might even be better.
So why should we stop?
Because new leaders don’t come in to be clones. They come in with their own stories, their own scars, their own vision. And sometimes, those differences end up making the team stronger, but we won’t see it if we keep holding them against someone who’s already gone.
Maybe the real question isn’t “Will the new boss be like the old one?” but “Can we let them be different and still give them a chance?”
Because at the end of the day, change is uncomfortable. We are flawed. I’m flawed. But I’ve learned that if we can just stop comparing, just for a moment… we might see something we didn’t expect: growth.
Written by A. Balancing duty in public service and care at home, she writes from the heart of both worlds